 Ed Yuban |
I’ve 
spent a lot of time on this here Internets and in that time I’ve embarked on more than a few journeys into silliness. However, the only thing that keeps me from complete silliness is my attention span. In my time, I’ve attempted to start a bowling team, make my band an Internets sensation, make band t-shirts [1, 2, 3] (I have the only one ever made), pro-life platypus t-shirts (there’s a blast from the past if you’ll pardon a phrase most often reserved for douche bags), the list goes on. One of the most intriguingly limitless projects I ever took on (aside from Gourmet Spam Grillers Of America and the Ironic Mullet Project but we’re talking within the last few years) was a set of themed skateboard decks. The possibilities could have been endless but the decks started at $50 and I’m a man with bills. But, I did finish the Water Board and, just because I was born on July 2nd, Teh GOG showed up on my front porch last night with one of them, long after I had forgotten they even existed.
Much like half of the English language, I really don’t understand the word request. I don’t know why but I was thinking about that word the other day. Most likely, I was listening to the radio and someone called in to request a Halestorm song the DJ played fifteen minutes previously and fifteen minutes previous to that (payola never dies). Some English words, while largely stolen from Latin and German, make a lot of sense to me in a Newspeak Dictionary kind of way so I can really get behind some of the random things that fly out of my mouth, although I’m usually the only one. However, I don’t see how it makes sense that someone would want to repeat a long, uncomfortable journey toward 80’s ripoff butt-metal nirvana.
Seriously, I hate that song.
While I’m being random, I’d like to tell everyone how much I hate the word “possibilities”. Say you’re plugging along at 90 w.p.m. (or however you roll personally) and you come up on that son of a bitch. I never get it right the first time. Possibliities. Possibilities. Yes! Fuck you, possibilities! No, seriously, try it yourself.
Here’s another thing about language: hilarity always ensues. You never see hilarity intruding or fishing. Other things can ensue, why can hilarity not stampede? I want my hilarity on fire and covered in sauce! I’m just saying.
I’ve been playing Nation States recently. In the game, you have the option of joining a region. As far as I can tell, each nation is fully self-contained and joining a region does absolutely nothing other than giving your group an opportunity to start a message board and talk about yourselves in a thoroughly serious and make-believe manner only slightly more retarded than arguing with music fans and Trekkies on Usenet. I was a member of a small region called Jordia and, after several requests to join their message board and maybe even run for political office, I told them what I thought of such things. First mistake. Then I made a comment about their leader’s flag bearing the likeness of Ronald Reagan. As one would imagine, he shot back with the usual, “You’re a liberal, you probably voted for Obama!” I’m assuming this is meant as an insult but it only strengthens my belief that most Joe-Bob Conservatives can’t spell Barack. My answer, however, is yes and no. I’m a flaming liberal, I did vote for Barack Obama and I regret it. Let’s see a Republican say “Boy, I wish I hadn’t voted for McCain, and that vice-president of his … what a dipshit.” That’s why they win, they live by Reagan’s mantra and stick together.
Anyway, I’ve started my own region. If you’d care to play, feel free to join my region. You can find me here. Also, tell me if you have problems staying logged in. I have to log in every damn day. That sort of thing makes my O.C.D. flare up.
Also, speaking of O.C.D., I quit smoking yesterday at 9:31PM (the time I was born) on my thirty-eighth birthday. As the number thirty-seven has played such a prominent role in my life, I’ve decided to use my strict adherence to rules, either real or imagined on my part, to finally quit for good. The only thing that bothers me is that I should have had my last cigarette at 9:31PM MST, Fort Worth time. I was unable to figure out if I should have gone two hours forward or two hours back and, eventually, my head started hurting and that made me want a cigarette.
Finally, my dilemma; tonight I have the option of seeing 1) The Empire Strikes Back on the big screen for the first time since I was eight-years-old or 2) a restored 35mm print of The Creature From The Black Lagoon in 3D, which I haven’t seen since I was ten-years-old and it was on a thirteen inch black-and-white with bad reception. As for entertainment value, Star Wars is the superior movie (unless they got the LucasFucked version with walkie-talkies in place of light sabers) but I’ll have to wait in line with hardcore Star Wars fans and could have my virginity restored by proxy. Black Lagoon, while kind of a stupid movie, is in 3D, but there will not be beer and I just don’t see the point of going to see a movie in Portland unless they’re serving beer.
It seems like Teh Gog is the only one interested. Maybe I’ll have to keep my eye out for future endeavors and try again later. In the meantime, I’ve got fifty-two inches of Star Wars at my beck and call right in my living room and a beer store right down the street. Maybe it’s time I embrace my inner geek and host my own Star Wars party. Too bad I’ve got the new Empire.
You know, George Lucas has said that in his opinion the worst Star Wars by far is definitely The Empire Strikes Back while his favorite is Attack Of The Clones. True story. I just made you hate life a little more.